This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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