My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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