we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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