There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
