No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
