I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
