just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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