Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
