ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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