I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
