drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
