I cannot find my penis.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize