No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
