there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
