So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
