Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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