the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
