Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
being pregnant is like rehab
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
