i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
