the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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