What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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