new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
