i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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