So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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