I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
