How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
