the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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