Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
