So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
