nut hugger
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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