He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
