Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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