i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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