just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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