she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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