i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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