Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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