I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
