Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
