my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
