I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
