I hate all girls vehemently.
I will die if light touches me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
