I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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