i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Randomize
