you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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