At least make sure they are 18
Why
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
