I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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