Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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