Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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