you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
