a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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