next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
