So drunk its hurt
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
