the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
