I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
