i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
