The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
