last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
