you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
