Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize