I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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