Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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