You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
