Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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