I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
