um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
