Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
COCAINE IS GR8
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
