i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
