I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
