I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
