I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize