I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
