I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
