have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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