I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
