I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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