i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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