You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
