I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
