When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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