Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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