***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
