Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
