We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
