the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
