I wish I could punch you in the face.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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