we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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