she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
