god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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