I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
