i think i have herpe
just one?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
