I love black thongs
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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