Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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