wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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