The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
