Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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